Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
