im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Everything about him screamed your future.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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