So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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