Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He shit in the fireplace
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