We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
