I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I need moral support for this bender
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
