It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Rumble strips road head = magical
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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