so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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