I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
