the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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