Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
