Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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