THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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