"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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