Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize