Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
