im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
