How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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