Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
