my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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