Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
