Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
