the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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