The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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