somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
