Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
