Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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