she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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