what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
