I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
