My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
