I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
