Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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