dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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