I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"it" just moved
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
