i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
