Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
