Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
