So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
