Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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