mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
