I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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