ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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