Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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