I'm really into asian looking animals
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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