Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
