I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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