I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
