I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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