wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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