Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
false alarm, still single
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
