how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
