im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
