...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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