the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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