At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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