I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
