I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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