11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
