Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
