I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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