No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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