Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
