Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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