Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
