So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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