My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
