bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
