I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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