I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
