the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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