I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
