My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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