I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
