Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need a beard to bite.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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