She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
