Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Please don't give away my fajitas
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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