Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
