he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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