can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
