You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
