I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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